Denver, CO (VOL II)

I was standing right in front of Anthony, slipping my hand inside his t shirt. Looking at him straight in the eyes, smiling so nervously, trying to hold my hands from shaking , and specially to keep my knees from becoming water and bend in surrender.I was touching his chest, feeling his skin while I was fighting to overcome my internal turbulence .
I got to catch my escaping voice, my elusive life, and my petrified memory. I forgot everything that I had learnt in the course of life. Thankfully I didn’t forget the spoken word, nor the grammar which, some minutes later would enable me to have a conversation with him.

It took an eternity till I fixed his microphone. Or so it seemed. The “can I put a microphone in you” came out so innocently that I amazed myself with the spontaneous response of my biological/physiological need to feel his texture. “careful, my shirt is old” he said. That’s when I realized I was holding onto his shirt as if my life depended upon it. I looked at him and smiled. He caught me.

Right before we got into the bus, he was holding a big cup. I asked him “what are you drinking?” and he said “Scotch”. I thought “hell, scotch before the show”. That man has telepathic powers (one of his powers, anyways). He saw me thinking and he said “I’m just kidding”.So, when we were sitting right in front of each other I asked him again, after the incredibly intense microphone magical adventure, after a little chat about my “strange sense of diction” (as he called it), after he discussed the possibility that “vulgar” could be a compliment in Guadalajara, and after he asked my friend if she had an operating license for the tiny mini dv camera we were using.

B: so, what are you drinking?
AK: what am I drinking? This is baby elephant’s urine that has been filtered through a micrometer, so that everything that’s left is the pure essence of elephant joy.

B : That sounds very tasty.

AK: You get used to it.

B: I’ve never tried anything like that actually, I’m thinking what’s the closest… (I make a pause) I got my hand inside a bucket with a bunch of human pee once.

AK: A bunch of human pee? From several sources?

B: Several sources, yeah

AK: right!

B: Because I was dancing and I had my wallet on my back and somehow…

AK: …Your wallet fell into the bucket of pee.

B: But I didn’t know it was pee, I don’t have sick tendencies like…

AK: Couldn’t you smell the bucket?

B: I wasn’t smelling the bucket.

AK: No sense of smell in Guadalajara ?

B: I was just trying to get my wallet

AK (smiling): God gave us all a good sense of smell, but you know, urine is not as horrible as people think. There’s a group of people who drink their urine in the morning as a medicine, and it makes sense, if you look at it homoeopathically speaking it has been proved to have some healing properties , not just any urine, but the first urine in the morning and you’re not allowed to drink coffee and alcohol and things like that, but people have been known to heal themselves from drinking urine.

Geli: I got my own urine injected once

AK (in shock): injected?!!

G: yeah

AK: Injected?!!

G: yeah

AK: You took it to a new level.

G: I know

AK: Where are you from?

G: I’m from Germany

AK: That’s where they do the most advanced medicine on earth!! Or were you just trying to get high?

G: no, no no, I went with my dad to this health forum kind of thing and they took our pee and shit and injected us with it.

AK(totally shocked): THE SHIT!!!

G & B (at the same time) : “and shit”, “and stuff”.

AK: Yeah, shit is not… different substance altogether… But they injected you pee! intevenous or intermuscular?

G: Intermuscular

AK: And?

G: It healed my skin.

AK: Did it?

G: Yeah

AK (turning towards me): see? (makes a pause and smiles) It starts with urine and comes back full circle to urine. (I can also see him cracking up inside to himself).

I just laughed.

My first chance to talk to him in depth and we spent 5 minutes talking about urine and even told him about when I sank my hand in a bucket with all my friend's pee. I surely know how to be charming.

B: So…

AK: yeah?

B: what are you drinking?

AK: It’s just something for the throat. It’s a concoction of teas.

I took the cup he was drinking from, I turned it around itself to read it. He turned it and read it for me.

AK: I think it says : “Fuck the world, it’ll never change, gotta keep my head straight and let my balls (pause) hang”. ”That’s William Blake, I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the great poet Blake.”

Later I’d found out that was a gift from Flea, which he actually did in his pottery times. Eventually I had a lot of fun with the image of Flea making that cup for Anthony. I thought it was so sweet.

We got into talking about things I wouldn’t have even imagined talking about with him. . We talked about cocaine and Manuel Noriega, about politics, he told me his thoughts about George Bush and all the Bushes, and he asked if I had been name after Barbara Bush, we talked about his eating habits, and seafood, and how he’s not against shrimp, but prefers some of the cleanest foods from the sea; we talked about his film collection, about the extraordinary sandwiches him and John prepared themselves on the tour bus, about how he uses imitation turkey and John eats real turkey, we talked a little bit about Snoop Dogg...

He pronounced many fruits names in the most perfect Spanish ever pronounced by any American man or any other planet Earth man, about how Anthony thought I was more of a Barbie than a Barbara and how Barbies are “used for cocaine smuggling primarily “ and have large breasts so they’re able to fit more cocaine into the bosoms.

To be continued.

Denver,CO, June 20th 2003 (VOL I)

This day felt like I was walking in the core of a mist cloud. I sat inside the car outside Denver's Fiddler's Green ampitheatre in a sunny day and I was cold. So cold. Time seemed to freeze too.

I sat there for I don't know how long. My legs seemed to be on strike and not responding to my commands. For the first time in years I had to concentrate in breathing because it wasn't coming out naturally. Just the day before I was thinking of the irony of the situation. I really don't know how to explain this. I was in the chase of a dream actually never expecting to find it. It had been a year since I got immersed in all this madness, June 2002 in London. Had been to the Peppers shows 16 times. Had been backstage 7 times. And I had met him only once, very, very briefly. And I thought, this is as far as I can go. I was never expecting this to happen, not in this life time, nor the next or the next , nor in any of my 8 upcoming reincarnations.

I made several failed attempts to walk out of the car. Cold sweat. I was shaking. I was really wondering if that was persistence paying off, an accident, or I was still dreaming perhaps and I was still cold. I found myself wishing I could back up. To this day, all I can recall of how I felt that day is such a strange mixture of encountered emotions that I can't really remember most of them and I don't even know if those feelings have a name at all.

Finally found the strength to control my legs and eventually left the car. We walked straight to the backstage area and asked for the band's dressing room.

Immediately I saw Anthony who was standing inside, with his back turned towards us. I walked straight up to him when the security woman cuts my way through and stands right in front of me. She says that our pass doesn't allow us to walk into that area. I just stared at Anthony's back, wishing he’d turn around, for one because I really didn't think it would be nice to shout, and for other because even if I had wanted to scream I doubt any sound would have come out from my throat anyways.

"Who are you with?" asked the security woman, and I KID YOU NOT, in a totally super-hero- style-scene Anthony turned around, jumped out of the dressing room towards us and said "ME". Jesus Christ! The evil security woman had no choice but to back up. Thank God for the stiffness of my legs right at that moment.
He asked if I had found a spot where we could talk, I really didn't see that one coming and I asked him if was it possible to use their dressing room but he said that the rest of the band needed to concentrate and do their pre-show rituals. So he suggested we found a nice spot and tell him once we found it. So we did our scouting and found the roof. It was such a nice sunny day. So I went back to get him and on the way to the roof we bumped into Dave Lee who asked him if he wanted security to remove me. I gave Dave a dirty look. Anthony replied all serious "no, that's ok" and I stuck my tongue out to Dave and laughed. It was a show day and there were some bands playing around in the venue, even before Snoop opened again . The roof was such a cool sunny spot, but Anthony said it was too noisy. I had no idea where else to go since the backstage area was kind of small and busy everywhere. So, he suggested that we went to his bus...

To be continued.

Oklahoma City, OK, (VOL II)

I can't remember what my thoughts were at that precise moment, but I forgot all the formalities of the spoken language of when you meet a person for the first time. OK, so it wasn't the first time, but when he actually directed his words to me. So he did it. "What are your names". Hell, it's not like he knows that we have met before. Funny.

It's so strange when you meet someone that you already know a lot about: where he was born, who his family is (even met the dad and the sister), his vegetarianess, his profession, age, almost nude body, voice... and he knows absolutely nothing about you. That's how I even forgot that when you meet someone you're supposed to introduce yourself. I felt soooo slow. Everything looked like a blury movie. Maybe the beer had some hallucinogenous substances in it.
No, it was really happening. "I am Barbara" and he shook my hand. Geli said she was Geli and shook her hand too. So "how's the documentary going?" he asked. I think Geli was afraid that I'd collapse so she said "it's been good" or something like that. Sound, as well as vision I was perceiving with distortion.
"We're just missing you" I told him.
"You should have come earlier today". He said.
At that moment I think I went pale even though we had been tanning on the road through the car window as we drove for 3 weeks. "We did, but everyone seemed busy".

"You should have asked for me and I would have come out".
OH-MY-GOD. I think this is when my sun tan completely disappeared. I looked at him in total disbelief and now I couldn't help a certain sarcastic tone and my slightest evil look that to me is super evil, but to most people it's just funny.
"Have you got any idea of how hard it is to get to you?"
"Yeah, but you the people here right?, you should just have asked straight for me".

I felt stupid and I am sure I was standing there looking stupid as well. It was that simple... Next thing I can remember is that I tell him that I had brought something from Mexico for him. I take it out of my purse, and the present, after almost 3 weeks on the road, with all the heat and humidity, well... was not happy. The wrapping paper was all torn already from being taken in and out from my back pack. So I opened it for him to avoid the wrap embarrassment and the present is kind of melting.
"This is disgraceful" I told him and he just... smiled. So beautifully that that smile took all the weight off my shoulders and lit the whole arena, already with the lights being taken away after the show. "We've been carrying it around trying to give it to you". He looked at it and didn't seem very thrilled, but then Louie came and said "isn't it gorgeous?". It was a panther head handcraft made by mexican Indians, same guys who did Flea’s mask that I gave him. It was decorated with very tiny and very colorful stones, glued together with wax forming ethnic patterns. "Did you do this?" He asked. I laughed. "No, that takes ages to make". To me it would have taken a couple of years of entire dedication and bad sight.

He turns straight to me and looks me dead into the eyes. Fuck. I had seen many photos, close ups, videos, and none of those had prepared me to what it was really like to see him straight in the eyes. They're a show on it's own. Spectacular. A landscape. And I'm not saying this out of the love/infatuation/admiration/ that I have for the man.

"Well, come early to Denver, we'll take care of you". And then he said he had to go. So he started walking away with his food plate in one hand and the panther head in the other. I think I stood there for a while just breathing. And then I just had to ask Geli "Did he just say come early to Denver?". We weren't even going to Denver. Was not on our schedule, just because it was a 12 hour drive from Oklahoma. And I was already exhausted.

I got a permanent smile implanted on my face as we started walking out from the venue. We left through the back door, and we walked by the band’s buses. I was glowing. I started to walk really fast because I needed to get out of there and scream all the contained excitement. I couldn't hold it anymore. We started running out, and suddenly a voice stopped us. It was "she'sahottie". I had found out she is the nurse and that her name is Sathari.

The reason we called her "she'sahottie" was because when I described her to someone from the crew because I wanted to know her name, he said "oh, she's Sathari" (obviously he has an american accent)which I understood "oh, she's a hottie"and I said "well, yeah I guess so" . So we kept calling her "she'sahottie" until weeks later when I found out that that wasn't her real name. Anyways, she said Louie wanted to talk to us and walked us back to the tour buses. Louie said “so you know we’ll take care of you in Denver” and while I was talking to him Chad got off the bus and started talking to Geli. Then Anthony came out from his bus too and stood on the bus’ steps just checking what was going on with us. I never saw John that night so I gave Chad the shirt I had brought for John, which was made by the same people who did Chad’s, except John's was black with colorful hand sewed patterns. (Three years later, John was photographed in Italy wearing that shirt):

Italy 2006: John wearing a little piece of my heart

We got out of there. And finally I cried.

Oklahoma City, OK, june 18th 2003 (VOL I)

The pass of time has started to affect most of the hard drive of my memory. I barely have any memories about people that I've loved madly, or memory of the situations that made me feel life was worthy, love was worthy, and even the pain was worth it. But that, for one, more than a biological defect, has been a conscious decision derived from my unconscious self defense mechanisms and that now allow me to be a self with no feelings of despise, hate, or rancor.
And that, for other, in my heart I only keep the warmest feeling that I have loved fully and hopefully been loved too, and that I have always been surrounded by good people, good friends and good beings all given kindly to me by my good guardian Angel.

But what happened today, the way I felt today, the significance in terms of my own human spirit of what happened today will forever remain in me as one of the sweetest and most intense tiny moments that I had the joy to experience in my walk through life.

So we had been through West Palm Beach, Orlando, Raleigh, Charlotte, Atlanta, New Orleans, Houston, Dallas, and here we are, in Oklahoma City, it wasn't scheduled because we didn't have the tickets but now we just don't need tickets anymore, the tour almost over and not a sign of an approach to Anthony. The most frustrating part was the burning closeness of Anthony's continuous presence backstage. I just don't have the balls to go up to him, just like that.

The band did their thing as usual. I had to leave the stage several times to drain a couple of beers I had, something I had never done before:

But they didn't play search and destroy, instead Me and my friends

At the end, we got off stage and hung around backstage. I told Geli I wouldn't move from there until I knew what was going on, and also because this time I had brought all the little things I had carried along to give them to the band. So we sat in the catering area, and Chad suddenly popped in there. He had a Pepsi and we approached him to give him a traditional Mexican shirt. It was a navy blue hand made ethnic t shirt with white patterns.

We started talking to him, and he's just so sweet and tender and caring and the coolest guy ever. He says he likes the shirt, and ties it up around his waist. We tell him that we have been following the whole tour and he seems surprised and asked us which show we liked best. I tell him it's really hard to tell. Then we started talking about Guadalajara, and told me he was going to Vallarta (Mexico) on vacation with his family. We were talking for a while, and I asked him if we could have a picture together, and he so happily said yes, he hugged me in the sweetest way.

Geli was just standing there checking the semi naked ladies out, and the coolness of this man was so beyond belief, that he even asked her if she wanted a picture taken with him. Geli went "ok", her not being the most enthusiastic Pepper fan you could run into. I just couldn't stop laughing. Then I asked Chad if he could call Flea for me and tell him the girl from Guadalajara was looking for him. No need to.

Flea had just come out from the dressing room, but also went into the catering zone to grab something. I don't remember what it was, but he went up to talk to this couple of girls dressed in latex bikinis, long stripes stockings and...nothing else. Oh, and long boots.

Then he spotted me and came straight to talk to me. "Where's my present?" he asked me. "I have it right here in my bag", and as I was taking it out for some reason which I can only blame to the remaining effects of the beer I asked him " But what do I get in return?", and amazing as he is, he replied "a 3 hour foot massage". I busted out laughing and I think I blushed. He opened the present and he said he liked it. It was a handcrafted mask made by native Mexican indians called Huicholes . And he really seemed to mean it and he said he had a mask collection actually. I started explaining the origin of the mask when I spotted this tattoo which read: PAPAYA! in his fore arm. I smiled and asked him why he had "papaya" tattooed in his arm. And he said that because he loves papayas and every time he goes to Costa Rica eats lots and lots of papayas, and that he can go forever eating papayas. I asked him if he has ever tried them with salt and lemon and he says yes, but he much rather prefers plain papayas. And that was probably the longest and deepest papaya conversation I have ever had in my life (next day he'd write a Fleamail talking about his PAPAYA! tattoo) He just made me feel so comfortable and easy around him, but he said he was quite hungry and that he was going back to eat. He signed some autographs for some people and replied to this big boobed girl who came up to him and told him "I'm a great fan of yours". He said "thank you". Geli pointed out how pointless these kind of comments are, and how many people come up to them on a daily basis saying the exact same line. I guess she's right.
If I only had one chance to say something it would probably be "can I have a picture with you". But that's because, as I said in the very beginning of this diary page, my memory gets washed away, now more and more frequently and hopelessly.

Anyways, I was feeling so happy, I had never talked to two Peppers for so long in the same night, and I thought the night couldn't get any better, and suddenly... Anthony came out. Of course, the few people back there went straight up to him. At that moment, I thought I had never ever seen someone so beautiful. I had never encountered such intense eyes. His hair was all wet and he had a purple t shirt on. He had a dish with some food on his hand. All the people started trying to talk to him, and all he said was "Where are the girls from Guatemala who are making the documentary? I almost had a heart stroke. I almost fainted too. There were other bitches from Guatemala making a documentary as well?! Thank God Geli reacted a bit faster than me and corrected him "No, Guadalajara" she said. "Ohhh GUADALAJARA" Anthony replied with his mouth wide open in the most melodic and amazing Spanish accent ever pronounced by human lips in the History of human existence.

And since this episode is a bit too long, I'll continue some other time.

Dallas,TX, June 16th 2003

Maura left after the Houston show, so it's back to ol' Geli and ol' little me again. We sure are going to miss her. She left on a yellow cab on a rainy afternoon.

I'm in Dallas, aging not very gracefully, I have to say, all this driving and very few hours of sleeping, not much time to eat either, so I'm kind of looking a bit zombie with all these black bags, and thinner and you know...
Yesterday before the Dallas show we were hanging out backstage after getting fed in the catering room. Then it was all quiet back there and decided to go and explore the crowd while Snoop was playing.
It was an interesting sociological mix of people to watch. We talked to a couple of funny crazed out teenagers, pretty wild 13 year olds. It's so interesting how music can bring such a wide range of people together. It's such a non black or white environment, it's more like a view to all the wideness of mid tones and colors that make life interesting. All the punk baldness and the pink pierced Rastafarians, the freckled tattooed French/Chinese pot smoking creatures and then of course the generations of bad arsed Britneys among the heterogeneous mass of people. And then the rednecks of course.
All of them chanting as one this century's new anthem to our society's values: "Smoke weed, get drunk and fuck".
Talking to some dudes and dudettes we found out in utter shock how a lot of people were at the show to see Snoop and not the Peppers. I thought Snoop was more secondary, but he's not, he's actually a star too.

Went back into backstage zone and we sat next to the soda machine and refilled our cups several times. Oddly, in this amphitheatre for some reason there was a basketball court, and Flea was playing there. There was nobody else around except for Dave Rat, one of the sound techs, so when Flea stopped shooting and started to walk towards the dressing room I waved at him saying hi and he came over and I told him that we had met before but that he meets so many people that I really don't expect him to remember, so he says that my face is very familiar. He asked me where had we met, so I say Stockholm, and I told him that I have brought him a present from Mexico since when we met in Sweden he had mentioned that he loved Mexico, and that I had brought it from Guadalajara, and suddenly he goes " Ohhhhhhh, now I remember, you were there with your brother ". In fact that was my Mexican friend Alex, but still he got the point, and I said I couldn't believe he remembered me and he told me that I have a very "distinguishable face", whatever that meant.
But I forgot the present in the "Cockroach Inn" we were staying at, or more than forgetting, I just didn't expect to talk to him that night, so I told him "I just didn't bring it tonight". So he says in the sweetest voice ever "So what do I do?". I wanted to hug him, he was so genuine, and had the expression of a lost little child. I shrunk my head between my shoulders. He asked me if I would be around after the show, so I said yes, and as usual, we watched the concert from the stage, and while he was playing he looked at me and smiled.

The band is getting better and better. I think that Anthony can hardly walk sometimes, but he tries his best. He's still kicking ass. Anthony said last night, after a really amazing jam, that he was a happy person because when he wakes up, Flea is there John too, and Chad. A member of the audience had a big Chad sign, and Chad came to pick it up afterwards, that was so sweet of him!

After the show I was just so utterly tired that I went straight to say bye to some of the people and I spotted Flea standing right next to our exit gate, and he was talking to this super skinny girl, and as he saw me coming he cut her off and came to talk to me. He said hi and I said that I had to go (sometimes my train of thought is not as fluent as I wish it would be) and that I'd give him the present some other time, I apologized and I hugged him and kissed him good bye on his cheek and as I started walking away I told him that I might see him tomorrow (that is today). I asked him if he would be around and he said yes, probably. Which means, that I have to go in a few hours. I wonder why I was rushing so much now...

Anthony is always so close, but at the same time so far away.... he's always there... yesterday he was so to my speaking distance, just talking to some people, but I walked away again. I'm just not even able to get close and say hi.

I forgot to pick up my set list last night.
So no ticket, no set list, no sticker-souvenir. It's almost like I wasn't there!

Houston, TX, june 14th 2003

Driving to Houston was probably one of the scariest things I've ever done. It was supposed to take us about 6 hours to drive from Louisiana but there was a giant piss down from the sky. In other words, it was raining like there's no tomorrow. I could not see through the windscreen AT ALL. There were spectacular thunders breaking the air and my nerves too. It got dark and it got worse. We got really lost in the highway and I told the girls I wasn't taking responsability for everyone's lives and I wouldn't drive any further. We don't even have car insurance. So we decided to spend the night in the first motel we found on the road.

Forgot to say that last show in New Orleans our backstage access was granted for the rest of the shows. Very cool. For some reason today we were asked to wear a "side stage" sticker besides our usual backstage pass. I think it was because of the radio contest winners who got side stage passes and somebody mixed us up with them. The difference was that they were being chaperoned and we were goign around in free will.

Groupies? Me, Maura and Geli striking a pose on stage

It was beautifully hot and sunny, so today we were hanging out in the outdoors zone of the backstage area when the tour buses arrived. I saw John and Anthony and Louie getting off their bus but didn't even attempt to approach them. Maura is really worried we're going to come off as groupies, so we have stayed away. As if... Whatever.

I felt so weird though. John walked right next to me and I didn't even say hi. Anthony took his grey backpack from the lower part of the bus where they carry the lugagge and they headed for the door into the indoors part of the backstage area. Then Louie turned around and I waved at him and Anthony saw me as he was disappearing into the door and stepped back and looked at me. My heart stopped beating again. But I am already getting used to the feeling of my life scaping away for a few seconds and I think I like it.

Set list:

Actually getting into Snoop Dogg, not like I have a choice after listening to him every night. Geli already knows what he's going to say, same thing every night, but i find it so funny, Geli can lip synch to Snoop's speech already.
As for me, I find it hilarious, really like the "Smoke weed, get drunk and fuck" song, and the whole audience repeating after him. "I'm gonna get fucked uuuuuuuuup" and "Snoop motherfucker Snoop motherfuckeeeeer" are the other ones that I can sing along to. Deep philosophy behind those words. In the beginning Geli seemed to be pretty offended by his rather misogynous lyrics, but now she just laughs about it and we're actually thinking of even buying the CD. Maybe it was the influence of the weed smoke cloud that he and his whole crew leave on the stage when they leave. And maybe that's why I can't remember anything else about this show or wrote any other notes about it.

New Orleans, LA, june 11th 2003

So we skipped the first show yesterday in Shreveport. We were advised by someone truly lovely of the crew to skip it and stay longer in New Orleans. That was the plan in the first place anyways, but it is heart warming to see how people actually care about us, and even ask us to call every city we drive to, just to let know we arrived safely. Amazing, Incredible, overwhelming.

We're taking a big time out here, seems the right place to do so, we're skipping San Antonio next too, so that gives us actually 4 days off till next show on the 14th in Houston. I am exhausted.

I remember this song from the 80's "funky town" and I thought how maybe that song was inspired in New Orleans, although this is the home of Jazz and blues. Pretty cool place.

I think it's just now that's hitting me how many places I've been to lately in such a short period of time and haven't had the time to absorb yet all the flavors, colors, visions, sounds, smells, textures and beauty in every different culture, the landscapes and architecture, hotness and coldness of the different hemispheres and the sweetness and sourness of people... I feel truly enriched by this experience.

We hanged out in the French Quarter for a while late at night and this must be the capital city of vice and sex as far as my eye has seen. There were the ever typical (and some not so typical)topless/stripclub holes all around but I think the most shocking stuff were the posters of the "self sex experience" (and that was not having sex with yourself) which are those places where people walk in to watch people having sex on some kind of stage, except the people having sex are the people who actually walk in to watch people have sex, meaning, you’re supposed to be the star of the show!

There was something definitely cooking in the atmosphere. We ended up consoling a very young prostitute who was crying helplessly on the pavement. We just asked her if she was ok and she said she was too tired and her pimp (or whatever you call it) wouldn’t let her go home. Then she mentioned she was scared because of these prostitute chain-murders going on in the New Orleans area, and Geli freaked out after the word murder. Big time. So we ended up going back to the hotel in the end.

Anyways, for this New Orleans show we were offered extra tix and exchanged ours again outside and got to keep the extra ticket (and the gas money which is always a plus since we have started running poor) as a souvenir because snobbish as it sounds, it crushes my heart not to have the ticket that witnesses my entrance to the show even if I don't use it.

The show.

It was so great! Anthony seemed pretty happy and when John was singing "I feel love", a song that I'm just becoming addicted to, he was dancing like I've never seen him before. It still amazes me the way he can move. Then he started making all these funny noises in the microphone and was smiling a lot. I was smiling a lot too.

Me in the New Orleans Arena, smiling from inside and outside before the show.

At a point Dave L. and another guy from the crew looked at each other in amazement and started cracking up because Anthony went completely mental during " Don't forget me". So much. So much.

Yet another set list courtesy of Martin.

Half way through they started playing Apache Rose Peacock and I got so excited, started jumping and started singing from the very depths of my guts, so loud, but somewhen before "lunatics on pogo sticks" everything started sounding... weird. And that's when they stopped the song and Anthony seemed to forget the lyrics and said "We haven't played this song in 13 years".

Anyways, everyone kept being really nice to me. I'm still content to watch my band and the man in my dreams from a very, very itchy distance. There's no feeling like being on stage.

I feel love, I feel love, I feel love.

And I love feeling the speakers underneath my feet making them tickle, making me giggle.

Today I actually took the camera with me and took a couple of pictures of Anthony when he walked next to me.

It was a good day.

Atlanta, GA, june 8th 2003

For some reason I don't have enough record of this show, except a lot of notes of the people working there -the roadies, that is -.
The drive from Charlotte to Atlanta was so incredibly fun. It was soo amazing, I was driving in the freeway and there was this huge red truck honking at me and I got all pissed off because I was doing nothing wrong. But then I looked at the truck driver and it was a RHCP truck.

It was Nick, so funny, we stopped at the side of the highway and talked to him for a bit. He had fallen asleep and the rest of the drivers left without him. He was making fun of us because Beverly took her own car and had Maura with her and we had ours, so he said that next time he’d run into us we were going to be a convoy following the band.

When we got to Atlanta the 4 of us checked in this Best Western hotel that Beverly had booked and had such a cool dinner at IHOP (the International House of Pancake, although we tried to figure out what's so international about it).

Then we went back to the hotel and had some beers and some funky special cigarettes. Ahem .So funny. Beverly brought this Chili Peppers light bulbs that we used to decorate our hotel room. We had the most amazing Chili talk I've ever had with anyone. It's just amazing to talk with people who feel your own passion. Usually at home I have nobody to do Chili talk with, none of my friends care and my dad hates Anthony already. Oh well...

I wasn't sure whether we could use the backstage passes again, so Maura-who-is-traveling-with-us hooked us up, and got us these "guests" stickers, because it so happens that she's so bloody well connected that she has "work" access for all the shows (she gets a "working" sticker from somebody of the crew. And the best part is that she doesn't work.)

And we actually didn't need our tickets to enter the gig, so we exchanged our tickets for some US dollars just outside the venue, only the exact same amount we paid for them, and we used the money to put some gas instead.

This time Beverly came backstage too, so it was awesome to watch the show with Chili sisters, because Geli couldn't care less, although she really started to get into the music, so for a change I saw the show with actual Chili Pepper girls, just like me, and we sang and danced and jumped and had the greatest time ever.

The cutest thing was Anthony dropping the microphone and he threw himself on his knees to the floor all clumsyly to pick it up, and pretended he did it on purpose. He's such a glow of beauty.

While on the stage, Flea came very close to us because we were standing right behind his tech. Flea's body smell is just so strong. We could smell him from a few meters away. God how I love this band.

What was really cool was when I arrived at the backstage area. Chad was there, sitting by the sun, chatting to the crew, but I refrained from going up to him because I didn't want to bug him and wanted to respect his space. But everyone was just so nice. Louis saw me and said "hi sweetie" and kissed me very European style (2 kisses) and gave me a hug too. What a lovely man. Then Dave L. came out and hugged me too and said he would talk to me later. Also Sam waved at me and said "Hi Barbara", then it was Martin, my official set list provider, ever so nice, and Tim, whose name I keep forgetting. Tim remembers me from Europe too (he gave me the setlists from Helsinki and Turku) and he was all smiles to me. Aren't I the popular one?It was a very cool show. Martin was going to save the set list for me but I left and I forgot it. So no set list for Atlanta.

Charlotte, NC, June 6th 2003

All right. Beverly was an angel sent to me from heaven. Oh my God.

Beverly called us while she was at work, we were at her home. I had just had a shower, when Maura who finally decided to tour with us, knocked on my door and said : "Barbara, what would make you happiest?", and I said, without a doubt "To see Anthony", and then she said "Well, that might be possible because now we know where they're staying".
Turns out that Bev knew the hotel where they were staying at and so Geli and I went over there. I was shitting my pants. I don't think I've ever had such amount of blood going to my head at a time, my heart was beating as if I had run 100 miles at my maximum speed. My knees were watering and so were my hands. I saw the tour buses right outside. I took a few deep breaths before walking in, and finally I thought "now or never".
I stopped in the reception desk and asked the man there for the Tour manager. He kind of raised his eyebrow and asked me if he was expecting me, so I said no. He said he would call him to his room and asked my name. No need, he was walking right behind me.

He looked as sloppy as usual, yet there's something so charming about him. I look at him, he looks back and before I say anything he stops DEAD right in front of me. ."Hi, how are you?" he says just so naturally, like we just saw each other last week and gives me a hug. A sincere hug.
I do not believe that he actually stopped to say hi to me.
"Do you remember me?!" I ask him in obvious disbelief.
"Yes, from... (he puts his hand on his head, trying to make his memory work) Stockholm, right?"
Oh my dear Lord. He remembered me from two months before, when we talked for about 5 minutes.
Right at this moment I felt I was in a dream world. Again. It all looked so blurry. Again.
He was very much in a hurry. He asked me if I was staying in that hotel too. I said no, and started explaining what I was trying to do. He said "walk with me", so we followed him at his 1000 miles per hour, because apparently they were getting ready to go to the show. So I tell him about the documentary I'm doing. He seems to be listening to everything, but keeps on walking fast. "Come with me". So we're inside the elevator all the way up to the whatever-th floor, I think. We walk through the hallway. My heart is beating so fast. I look around expecting the unexpected. We walk into his room. "Sit down" he says. We sit on his bed, because there's nothing else to sit on. He sits on his desk in front of his lap top. "So you're following the whole tour"."Yes" I said."And who do you want to talk to?"…

I felt like I was at the doctor's. This man was there listening to my "problems". This man is a real Angel walking the Earth. His name is Louie.
He said that he would see what he could do, and added that they don't like doing press things because they've had enough with all the BTW promotion and they're not too happy about press in general anyways. "But I think we can arrange something". I was sitting there and in the corner I saw this package laying on the floor with the name Michael Balzary on it.
There were also some tea boxes lying around.
Finally I ask him if it's possible to get backstage passes. He looked all serious and said "the thing about the passes is that you have to stay out of the way". He wrote an e mail and asked to spell my name. We left. Drove back to the venue where Beverly and the other girl were already waiting for us.
We had a pretty cool picnic in the parking lot, and Bev, amazing as she is, gave me a birthday cake with it's little candle on it and everything.
It was close to Showtime. Went up to pick our passes and ... they were there.

I can't remember how, but suddenly I was on the stage, looking at everyone working. I will never forget this sensation as long as I live. I saw all the people jumping and getting excited the way I have always felt when I listen to the techs adjusting the instruments, announcing that my band will be there soon. It's always the same tech chords. Same guitar strings same drum beats. I see the signs, the RHCP love flow running at high speed in the air. The excitement in people growing more and more. The lights go off. It's pure ecstasy. If I could describe a tiny moment of divine happiness, this would be it.

The show was fantastic. Martin, right after the show came up to me and gave me the set list . No need for me to ask.

John sang one of my all time favorite Beatles song "I've just seen a face" which was fucking cool because I don't think I've ever heard that song live, ever.
I loved this show, it was so special.
Afterwards we go and hang out backstage because I was supposed to bring the presents we had carried along for the band. I was looking for Louie but he seemed quite busy.

Flea passes right by us and he said "hi girls" and we said "hiiiiiiiiiiiii". So girly!
Then, they put us inside the catering room. There was a guard right outside of the room not letting anyone out, which was where the band was hanging out for some odd reason.
There were soft drinks and coffee in "our" room so we just kept helping ourselves with some tea.
I went to the door to have a look where the manager was, and I was about to put my head out of that room when suddenly Anthony was having a look inside as well.
My heart stopped beating. I froze. He looked at me very briefly and I just looked away and got away from there as fast and gracefully as I could. I think it took a while for my heart to start beating again. I think I went pale.
It's not like I've never seen him before, but...Fuck. I can't believe I froze. Anyways... WE'RE IN. and we have 2 more weeks to come.

Raleigh, NC, june 5th 2003

This show is one of the best I have ever seen!!
They actually sang Sir Psycho Sexy at the encore after Under the Bridge, and "They're red hot" as the final song, although they changed it from the original set list (yep, I got another one ).
Originally they were going to sing power of equality. But I loved that they changed it.

The crowd was amazing, They also sang Breaking the girl and I could have lied. I've never been happier with a set list! I was almost crying in my emotion, so perfect. I was sitting not so far away, but far from being on the best spot.
No success therefore, getting backstage though. I ran into Dave while I was on my seat and he stopped to say hi, and then went on. Then I met this other guy, Martin, (now I know his name) who was the one giving me the set list yesterday in Orlando. He remembered me from yesterday, but he said he didn't remember me from Europe, which was why I though he had given me the set list in the first place. He's so nice, he spotted me on my seat, stopped by and then asked me if I was following them , so he was a bit shocked when I told him that we were following the tour. I asked him about the girl who had offered us the passes yesterday, and asked her name. It sounds so much like "she's a hottie", so that's what we call her now because I didn't get the actual name. I asked Martin to save me a set list, but at the end of the show I went up to the front while everyone was picking up all the stuff and asked Dave to pass it to me which he kindly did. We went to the gig with Beverly, this amazing girl I met in OHG, and after the show we met this other girl in the parking lot who just jumped into our car and when she found out we are doing the whole tour asked us if she could join us. She's quite young, I think 19, but seems fun, so we said hell yeah!
Beverly is such an angel, a beautiful sweet human being. Yesterday, after the 10 hour drive from Orlando, we came into her house and she fed us and gave us such a good place to sleep. She showed me stuff I had never seen before like Madonna and Anthony dancing together. We watched it until late. She's such a sweetheart. She told me to pick some of her Chili Peppers videos so she can make copies for me. So we all (Beverly, Geli, Maura the girl and I) drove back from Raleigh to Charlotte after the show, it's 345 am, and tomorrow is the Charlotte show. The good thing is that we're already here and we can actually get up late rather than the usual 7 am get up and drive thing. But I feel like I can't do this anymore.

Orlando, FL, June 3rd 2003

The backstage passes through my nose, again, twice!! . But we got a pretty amazing sitting spot because we cheated and changed places, and went to sit on one side of the stage, above the crew. The security people went down to chase us but we said we were waiting for our backstage passes and they left us alone.

Sam saw me and came and said he was looking for me and asked me if my name was on the list. We didn't even check but my guess was that it wasn't. Then he said he was going to take care of us, but we saw him going up to some guy and his gesture was a no way entry. Then Sam said he couldn't do anything, but in his kindest attempt brought this very sweet girl (who later we'd found out her name was Sathari) who asked me if we were going to follow the tour the whole 3 weeks, so I said yes, and she asked me if I wanted backstage passes, and I said "that would be very nice". But then she went up to the same guy again and it got totally fucked for good. She never came back with any passes of any sort. What the hell...

It was an AMAZING GIG ,Anthony was so happy and making faces and laughing. Great mood.
I'm sorry but Snoop Dog is shit. And Geli was very offended by his misogynous lyrics.

I was hopingto see the Mars Volta, who were supposed to open for this part of the tour but yesterday talking to Nick the driver, he said they cancelled all the shows because Jeremy died. OD he said. That was really awful and sad to hear.

Flea got really pissed off at this dude who was being rude to a girl and literally told him he was a "fucking coward and a pussy" and that he should get the fuck out of the show. He was so angry, and everyone started clapping and cheering.

Anthony was unbelievable, he jumped over Flea and when he landed he rolled majestically over the floor.This was so much better than West Palm Beach, I think that indoors venues are the best for the Peppers. I love Anthony.

John kicked ass, it's really cool to see him contortion as if he were the Super Plastic Man. At the enchore, he went and sat on a corner for Under the Bridge and this blond chick touched the tip of his shoe, which he stretched so she could touch it. Sooo sweet!

Flea came back walking on his hands for the encore. They all were in such a great mood. I think Anthony is getting some physical problems, he doesn't jump as much as in the beginning of the tour, and he went to take the oxygen mask again several times and put his feet on top of a small stool. At the end of the show this guy from the crew was staring at me and I thought that he remembered me from Scandinavia, because I remembered his face, but I just don't know his name. He was so sweet, he came up to me and gave me the set list of the show, and again, without me even having to ask.

This is just getting worse and worse, what the fuck am I doing here? I'm exhausted, and I'm not even half way through. Tomorrow we're driving to Raleigh and we're meeting Beverly who is a beautiful lady who’s giving us shelter in her Charlotte home in the heat of this tour madness , so that's pretty exciting.

West Palm Beach, FL, June 2nd 2003

Note from the author: the scan of the ticket to come soon as I will need to scan it again.

Today it was my birthday and I day-dreamt of Anthony singing happy birthday Marilyn Monroe style.
The day started quite promising, we arrived early to the venue and we met the roadies just outside the backstage entrance. They were hanging around in their bycicles, enjoying the sunny Florida heat and talked to us for a bit and I asked them if they could find Dave for us. And that's how we met Nick, one of the drivers, and he's just so cool and funny.
We met Sam(the young-young video tech who remembered me from the airport in Sweden), and I have to say that he is defenitely the one enjoying all the royalties that being a roadie can give (in Stockholm he left the venue together with two mega blondes) .
Then Dave said he had heard I was out there and came out to greet us.

He was most definetely surprised to see me and he didn't seem to be too impressed about my stupid little present, although I brought a few gifts for the band and for some other crew members too. So I guess there went my backstage pass because we weren't in the guest list, although we were told by the other roadies that our names were going to be in it.

Maybe that got me down and that's why the show was the least I've ever enjoyed. I was standing in the VERY ass of the Sound Advice amphitheatre. What a crap venue! people with seats were all the way in the front and people with General Admission (like me) had to stand on a hill on the grass behind all those seating people.

Anyways, the best surprise of the show was "breaking the girl", then I cried to "I could have lied". So beautiful. Did I mention the venue was crap? And to extra crap me, something crawling in the grass bit me badly on my toe and kept itching all night long. I was just expecting a dog to pass by and pee on me.
Anthony introduced the "Kiedis colony", all of his family was there, then John said hello to his grandparents, and Anthony thanked John's grandpa for giving birth to John's dad, so he could give birth to John. How cute.
Blah

West Palm Beach, FL, June 1st 2003

From : Dave Lee
Sent : Monday, March 31, 2003 4:07 PM
To : *************

Subject : Hi Sweetie
Inbox

Hi Barbara,

It's me Dave Lee (Guy of John)

I'm home now and was just thinking about you.

I was trying to remember exactly what it was that you said to me when you said good bye to be at the airport. It was very nice.

I hope your having fun. Hope to see you soon,

Dave


The day after I was back to London I got an e mail from Dave Lee. I don’t even remember what I said when we were saying good bye at the airport. But it must have been nice. “Hope to see you soon. Hope to see you soon” It was an echo in my head. Hmmm.

So somehow, two months later I found myself in Florida with my friend Geli from Germany. How could I explain to my family and friends the fact that I came to the States to follow a rock band for 3 weeks? Not many people understood, and to tell the truth I didn't want to bother explaining.

Anyways, we arrived at the West Palm Beach International airport and went to the Avis Rental place. Man, we have such a nice car, air conditioning, but most importantly the vital CD player. The funniest thing was the man in the Avis desk. Such a sweet man, he was a black man around 50 years old. He asked us what were we doing in Florida all the way from Mexico, and I just replied: "Do you know the Red Hot Chili Peppers?" he said "The WHAT?". "The Red Hot Chili Peppers" I repeated. "Chili Peppers? Oh no madam, I never take that" and he rubbed his stomach.

I am so very tired, I don't know how I'm going to manage to do this for 3 entire weeks. I don't feel excited yet, it's strange. I just feel numb. The air is so heavy, hard to breath with all the humidity.

The whole morning was very hot and sunny and suddenly it started to get cloudy and next thing you know, there is this HUGE thunderstorm. It was pissing an Ocean. Geli and I were watching it sitting inside our Motel room and then I started feeling soooo happy that I jumped BAREFOOT into the thunderstorm and started jumping and dancing. It was such a feeling of freedom.

Then I was completely soaked and had a hot shower and changed my soaked clothes into dry ones. Then just like that, the sun came out again, the calm after the storm, and Geli and I relaxed drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, talking about our dreams and feeling the Sun in our faces till it went down.

Geli (left) and I re-arranging the world

I am nervous though, I don't know how they will react if they see me around again, and even more, when I tell them that I will be following the whole 2nd leg of the American tour. Maybe they think I'm a psycho fan. I am anxious. I want to vomit. I want to go back home. Did I actually completely loose it this time? Is my head completely fucked now? What am I really doing? Shit.

The schedule looks like this: Tomorrow the West Palm Bach show, then:

03 June 2003 Orlando

05 June 2003 Raleigh

06 June 2003 Charlotte

08 June 2003 Atlanta

11 June 2003 New Orleans

14 June 2003 Houston

16 June 2003 Dallas

21 June 2003Albuquerque, NM

That's 9 shows. But we're skipping some dates because I guess I'll need to rest from all the driving since Geli won't drive, and somehow I don't think it makes much sense, at least to me, to drive back and forth. I wonder who did this schedule, so we're skipping:

10 June 2003 Shreveport

13 June 2003 San Antonio

18 June 2003 Oklahoma City

20 June 2003 Denver

I wanted to go to Oklahoma but didn't get any tickets for that show, so no Oklahoma. Oh God...

Stockholm, Sweden, March 29th 2003

This entry is dedicated to the amazing little boys of Sweden with all my love (Olle, Erik, and specially that other one who's always in the pictures with me)

Jesus Christ. I just came back a couple hours ago from Stockholm and still I'm unable to believe it. I actually got backstage this time. My mother always said something like "where there's a will, there's a way". I guess that's how it really is.

Before I try to think how to make sense, I got another set list, I guess I can say now that I have a collection. There it is:
A song that I don't know and that Anthony and Flea dedicated again to two Polish girls (Flea tried to explain who they were and Anthony just cut him off saying "they know who they are")

And long long Jam which hey played along with all the Mars Volta. This was so cool they played all together and Chad let the other drummer play his RHCP drum while Anthony sat on the speaker to listen to it.

This gig was amazing. I was on the side of the stage and Anthony and the band walked right next to me, a meter away, when they jumped onto the stage.
It was unbelievable to be so close.

Me on stage, and Anthony getting ready to jump on it.

A few times Anthony laid down just 1.5 meters from where I was, in a pre-prepared "bed" (towels) to take the oxygen mask . But I wouldn't worry, the oxygen was there even before the concert started, it's just probably just something that he does to breath better.

Anthony leaving the stage

I met all of them except for Chad, although I saw him from a distance but I didn't talk to him.
After the concert I just went down the hall and John passed by very quickly with a dish of pasta I think, or something he was eating. Then, the whole hallway started clearing up and when it was more quiet, I approached John, but he didn't look as if he really wanted to talk, so I just said: I know you're tired but can we have a picture together, so he said yes, but I have to say he didn't seem too happy about it. But he did it anyways.

John looking funny and I

Next was Flea. OH MY GOD. What a fantastic human being. I approached him with this Swedish guys he had invited to the show and that me and my friend started chatting up. And I said, Hi, my name is Barbara, nice to meet you, and he shook my hand. Then he talked a bit to his guests (which was funny because he had just met them @ some place while he was shopping something 4 his girlfriend) and then he asked me where was I from, so I said Mexico and he asked me : "whereabouts" and I said Guadalajara, and he started speaking Spanish and he said that he had been there last time they played and it was a pretty place. I couldn’t contain my happiness. He said (in perfect Spanish) that he loves Mexico, and that he was flying to Costa Rica tomorrow. I told him that he should come to Mexico instead, and he said that Costa Rica is more quiet (which is right I guess)Then he asked what were we doing now (last night, that is), but I think he was more asking to his guests . Flea's guests were pretty cool guys and they told me and my friend that we should join. I talked a lot to Flea, well.. I guess in this case a lot is a bit more than 5 minutes. I told him that the show was great and he said thank you. I am so in love with the warmth of that man, I couldn't believe he was talking to me just like if I was anyone, because I felt like I was nobody there.

I love Flea, he's got the most intense blue eyes and he looks straight in the eyes when he talks to you and doesn't look away for a second. Am I dreaming? Then I also asked him for a photo, and he said, o.k. but I guess they don't like it much. But I have my picture with Flea too!

His Fleaness

And then his guests told us to join them to this club, and my friend wanted to go but I told him that I couldn't go without meeting... the man.

After meeting John and Flea, I had to wait for hours, or so seemed to me, to see him, because everyone was walking around, but not him. John became best buddies with the Mars Volta dude, his name is Omar, and they're like inseparable now, everywhere they seemed to be together. So I spoke a bit with the Mars Volta guys. They seemed to lighten up when I told them I was from Mexico and spoke with Omar in Spanish, he was so cute! Cedric can hide his beautiful blue eyes behind his afro style hair do but he can’t hide the fact that they are beautiful.

Anyways..... the hall was almost empty because they were kicking everybody out, saying there was nothing else to see, but the Tour Manager, whom I feel forever grateful to, came to talk to me and turns out he's Mexican, so we started speaking Spanish for a while. Everyone in the crew is fucking awesome, they're just like a big family, and they're all so kind... Anyways... I asked him if I could meet Anthony and he told me to come along. I walked next to a dark room which smelled like incense, but I had to pass by it and wait outside. I was just thinking, what am I going to tell him, shivering, unable to believe I was actually there, and I was talking to my friend when he said "he's right behind you", so I turned around and......................... There he was. So tiny and beautiful and holding three little carrots in his hand, he was biting one. I can't describe the power of his eyes...I just asked him if I could hug him, he said yes, so we hugged, and while we were hugging I kissed him in his cheek. I just couldn't help it, and when we let go, of a thousand things that I could have told him, with the most disgraceful kind of speech I could have ever pronounced, and with a breaking voice I asked him if he could have a picture taken with me and he said :" I have no time for everyone's pictures, but I enjoyed sharing this moment with you", and the manager said, that's true (in the nicest possible way). This is all so blurry. I need to wake up.

I also got one of John's plectrums that he uses to play, and on the back it has the rhcp star which Dave Lee, his tech, gave to me :

Just checking it out before the show

Next day at the Stockholm airport the surreal film I was on kept on playing. All the Peppers tech crew were in the same check-in queue I was at. And indeed we all boarded the same plane back to London. I got to speak some more with Dave and he’s a truly amazing guy. They got off in London to take their connecting flight to the US and I am now in London.

This must be a dream.